Our miracle baby is 2 years old today. Our tiny red faced screaming (almost) Christmas babe is now a fiesty, bright, beautiful redheaded toddler. This is how she came into the world and changed ours for the better.
I call her our miracle baby because at one point very early in the pregnancy we were certain we’d lost her. It was late in the afternoon and dad was at work and I was playing in the floor with Ethan who was had just turned one. I stood up and at first I thought I had peed on myself, because let’s face it, pregnancy doesn’t always give stellar bladder control. But no, it was blood and lots of it. Part of me wanted to pass out or panic, but I knew I had to remain calm at the very least for the unsuspecting toddler pulling on my soaked pants leg.
I got myself together, prayed a prayer for the newly forming baby I was carrying and called my husband and told him as calmly as I could he needed to come home immediately. I got changed and prepared Ethan’s things for his aunt and uncle to come watch him. Ian called them as he was racing home and they dropped everything and rushed over to help.
Ian and I white knuckle clutched each others hands on the way to the hospital and hollowly reassured ourselves that we had a healthy son and we would try again in time. It looked so bad we were already making peace that the worst had happened. I tried to be brave and say yes, we would try for another baby soon but inside my heart was in a million pieces because I wanted THIS baby.
We got to the hospital and they rushed me in and sometime during all the tests and the ultrasound a peace came over me and a quiet voice in the back of my mind kept reassuring me “She’s a fighter. She’s okay.”
She? Where did that come from? It was so early in the pregnancy, barely at the end of the first trimester so there was no way we could possibly know the gender. Laying on that table, I knew where that voice was coming from. With every fiber of my being I believe God was telling me my daughter was going to be okay. I didn’t want to get my husband’s hopes up, but I already knew what the doctor would tell us even before he said there were no guarantees but at this point there was still a very strong heartbeat. You bet there was because she’s a fighter.
I do need to add here I know we were either one of the lucky ones or the recipient of a miracle. It looked so very dire and many in the same situation are not as fortunate.
The peace never left me throughout the rest of the pregnancy which was such a gift for someone who had experienced PPD and anxiety as it took a while for things to look completely out of the woods. When we went in to the gender reveal ultrasound I had already shared God’s message with my husband so we already “knew”, but we still cried when the technician said our fighter was a girl.
The second trimester and most of the 3rd trimester went fairly smoothly but when the nurse called to confirm my 36 week appointment she didn’t like the sound of my cough. I hadn’t been feeling well, but I didn’t think it was that bad. Well, my doctor thought differently. He told me I wasn’t going home. It turns out I had bronchitis and so spent the next few days (right before our anniversary and Christmas no less) in the hospital getting breathing treatments and meds. I spent our anniversary in the hospital but was released on Christmas Eve to go home for Ethan’s second Christmas with the understanding I was to do nothing and that I would report back on the 27th to have our baby girl. Whether it was the illness or just my body, my blood pressure was starting to rise. The doctor pushed me to get safely to 37 weeks and he said we couldn’t play around with the blood pressure any more. We were having a Christmas baby.
We checked in at 5:30 AM (Holy early!) on December 27th and they began inducing me around 9:30 later that morning. I started out watching the Today show then the nurse made me turn that off because of my blood pressure. Then I turned on I Heart Radio easy listening on my Kindle and we listed to music watching my labor progress. Then she made me turn that off. Really?! My husband and I still laugh to this day that Journey will make your blood pressure rise!
Around 1:30 PM all at once I was in a LOT of pain and knew something was happening. And happening very quickly. I tried breathing and shifting in the bed, nothing was working and then I felt that tell tale transition and I told Ian to get the nurse NOW! She came in and I told her I thought something was happening and she was very nonchalant and I don’t think she believed me. “Oh my goodness you’re at a 10!” Told ya.
She ran to get the doctor and he came in, strings of his surgical mask flying. I yelled at him “Someone needs to catch this baby!” He told me to hold on and not push. Hold on? I don’t think so. There was no stopping her. Literally 1 push and the room was filled with the screams of a tiny person who wasn’t quite there a moment ago. Thankfully my sweet doctor was there to catch her.
My husband and I laughed through our tears as the doctor told her “Hey little one, I need that!” She was born grabbing his instruments. Ethan was a quiet birth and I was beginning to panic there was something wrong because he didn’t cry until the nurse flushed out his mouth. There was no question about my baby girl though. Born screaming and the doctor soothing her “We hear ya, little one. We hear ya, little one.” Little was right. The Christmas delivery shirt the nurses put her in swallowed her. She was less than six pounds but healthy as can be and never went to the NICU. We were home to celebrate the New Year…and begin looking for preemie clothes. Pulling the little lavender one out of her keepsake box it looked like a doll’s dress!
Two years later the little girl we called Tiny Dancer and that we had to order preemie clothes for is a tall (95th percentile) beautiful redhead. She loves Minnie Mouse and ponies and blows everyone away with how well she talks for her age. She tells me “I a big girl” all the time. And yes, she’s becoming a big girl before my eyes. It’s so bittersweet watching this miracle baby grow. Part of me just wants to keep her little but I know then I would miss the amazing woman I know she will become and the wonderful things she will do. After all, she’s a fighter. 🙂